We've said some quick goodbyes to the dustball and we're off to Alderann! Theoretically. Are we sitting comfortably children? Read it Now >

In this section you will learn:

• What precaution to take when making the jump into hyperspace
• How to coerce one's daughter into telling the truth - using drugs
• How to commit genocide
• How to cheat at 3D holographic claymation space-chess
• How to swing a deadly weapon in a confined, populated space blindfolded

And many more uselful life-lessons! Watch this space. (Probably best not to tell your parents)

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All of these tantalising nuggets sifted from the grit, and more, in the version you've been bloody-well gagging for since 1977. Let's go »