It's pretty much NON-STOP BLASTING from here on readers!!

Our heroes get to know one another in the more intimate surroundings of the Trash compactor

Leia's appearance takes on a whole new definition - if you like - of extreme ugliness. "But I've seen her Han she's - UGLY!" Not possible? Stay tuned.

We get possibly the longest, most brain-torturing sentence since John Ruskin. But it's funny!

Solo realises he hates Leia.

And we wave goodbye to Ben in a manner even less dignified than in the movie.

All of these tantalising nuggets sifted from the grit, and more, in the version you've been bloody-well gagging for since 1977. Let's go »

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